With the rise of cruises proving popular in the last few years and also becoming cheaper (a response to the global financial crisis?), it may just become affordable for a backpacker to opt for the cheapest berth and travel in luxury across to many destinations. European destinations for the british person is really proving popular as well.

After searching online, I’ve become rather excited at the prospect but after a while, I soon realised that there were far too many places for me to WANT to go and no cruise would offer a cheap alternative for a big cruise trip around the Mediterranean.

So if there was an ideal cruise available offering me a 2 bed berth for Amy Pond and I and a great bow for us both to get intimate ala ‘King of the World’ in Titanic style, we would take time to stop over at certain places in the Med and I’ll definitely show her better places for her than what The Doctor has given her. I mean, at least she won’t get kidnapped, get a daughter older than her and terrorized by weeping angels. It’s just fun and excitement with me. Anyway, I know I’m babbling about my favourite doctor who companion, and no way the new one meets her standards by the way, but I’m going to tell you more about my ideal Mediterranean Cruise Destinations. WITH AMY POND. Isn’t she beautiful?


Marry me?

Of course, I want to start things off British. So I’ll fly on over to the fantastic strait of Gibraltar at the westernmost point of the Med. After getting up to Monkey Business at the Rock of Gibraltar, then I can leave the shores to thumb my nose at the Spanish Nationals who wants the strait to themselves. Only to be beaten up by them when the boat makes its first docking in Barcelona, Spain. With its picturesque place, I can then learnt to be the model photographer with Amy Pond as my subject in front of the architectural background. Afterwards, we can get into a passionate Flamenco Fling. Beat that, Matt Smith. Tucked up with Catalan Cooking treats in our belly, we then head out of the Iberian Peninsula and stop in Marseille, France. Drinking the best french wine on the French Riviera will certainly bring out the right ‘ooh la la’ for me to serenade Amy as we look over the calm seas on the beachfront.

It’s a good job that we relaxed there as next, we get glamoured up to the nines (Amy won’t be able to go in her policewoman’s outfit unfortunately) to rub shoulders with the celebrities in Monaco. Perhaps grabbing a ride in an Alfa Romeo to speed around the F1 track, James Bond style, to get those pulses racing. (No pun intended. Afterwards, we leave the Gallic countries to hit up Pisa, our first Italian Stop. I’ve always been interested about the Tower there so perhaps Amy and I can explore and investigate why the Tower is leaning. Could there be aliens at work? This may lead us to Naples to explore Pompeii and Mount Vesuvius. Or we can slurp our way to Gelato heaven. From there after getting our pasta making fill and becoming an opera devotee, we go south and disembark at Messina, Sicily. If Amy was still thinking about space and time, then it’s the perfect chance to introduce her to the largest Astronomical Clock in the world here before fleeing the port from Godfather type gangsters there.

For my ultimate seduction, I would give her a gondola ride through the canal streets of Venice whilst drinking vino and continuing our gelato delights in the sunset. Then we would cruise down the Adriatic Coast to reach Zadar of Croatia. It sounds alien so that would please Amy while we take a catamaran to explore the Croatian isles nearby. Split, also in Croatia, is where we would partake in something naughty…with cakes. Cakes there happen to be the gooiest and stickiest so anything to see those red lips bite, oh yes indeed.


Lovely Red Lips

From there, we would explore a variety of Greek Islands. Any takes my fancy. But I’d like to go Mamma Mia style seeing as I have a dream to get all honey, honey, honey with Amy. However, we still need to treat ourselves a history lesson in Crete to figure out what exactly happened to the Minoans. Perhaps we can figure it out while we marvel at Byzantine wonders in Istanbul as we delve deeper into the Sea of Marmara towards the Black Sea. But before we leave, I’d like to take Amy on a Magic Carpet Ride. Travelling south along the eastern side of the Med, we would let our hair down by partying in Faliraki of Rhodes before heading on over to Cyprus to go diving. After all, it’s meant to be the best dive site in the Med so perhaps finding some treasure and jewellery will have Amy purring out of my hand.

But after Cyprus, it’s time to swing round and head back to the start but before taking in the delights of the Middle East of Beirut, Lebanon and Tel Aviv of Israel. Then things start walking like an Egyptian when we explore Alexandria, the setting of many wars fought. With its majestic harbour, we have our first taste of Africa.

Then following the northern coastline of Africa, we stop off at Tripoli, Libya to explore the infamous Red Castle before heading into Tunis, Tunisia to rock the Kasbah at the Mosque there and finally we reach the port of Tangiers of Morocco to take a romantic camping stay in the desert where we can look about at the stars twinkling over us.


You can keep looking at me like that.

If this doesn’t work for Amy Pond, then I’m afraid I’ll have to think harder to woo her. Maybe a fez? Because fezs are cool.


What do you think?


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